Garin Goes to the DMV
by Rotten Tchea Fruit
Summary: Garin has to take care of some business at the DMV, and it takes more than one try. Rated T because of brief nudity and language.
1. Attempt 1

The Black Pawkeet sat nestled in its spot betwixt the docks of the Scurvy Island Marina. Garin very much preferred the sea rather than land, but he liked coming home to Scurvy Island because the marina provided him and his crew with facilities to take showers and do laundry. Laundry was done in the showers because using the washing machines cost money.

Garin was taking a shower and doing his laundry when Jacques came into the room with the mail. He had returned from the post office. He stood outside the stall and started to tell Garin about the mail. From the tone in his voice, it was obvious that he was nervous about something even though he was only telling Garin about a sale on Pawkeet vitamins.

"Jacques, I'm taking a shower," Garin said. "Can't this wait?"

"No," Jacques replied. "You have something else. An urgent message from the Neopian DMV."

"DMV? I don't own a motor vehicle." Garin turned the water off and opened the curtain so it would be more easily to have a conversation with Jacques. His magnificent naked body was glistening from the wetness.

"It's about the Black Pawkeet. You have to go today."

Garin looked around. He had almost finished washing his laundry before Jacques came in. The only article of clothing that was still dry was a pair of pants. He would have to go to the DMV without a shirt.

He put his pants on, took the letter, and went to the DMV.

Garin arrived at the DMV. He took a number and sat down. There was a child named Caillou, not to be confused with the Caillou from the hit TV show on PBS Kids, though he was equally if not more annoying. He was whining to his mother about how he couldn't watch Teen Techoes Go because the battery in his tablet was dead. His mother had no sympathy for him. She told him that it's his tablet, and it's his responsibility to make sure it's charged. She also hated that show. Garin knew that this would be hell. What he didn't know was that this was only the clam before the storm. Caillou whined for over an hour.

While Garin was sitting, he read the paper. It said that the tag on his ship had expired. That was bullshit. The Black Pawkeet did not have a licence plate.

After three hours, they finally called Garin's number. He went to the desk to which he was summoned and sat down in the chair. He took the paper out of the envelope and tried to explain his situation. The young lady at the desk, however, would not hear it.

"Sir, you cannot be here without a shirt," She said. "If you want some service, then you need to go home, put on a shirt, and come back."

"No," Garin said. "Please, just let me explain! It says-"

"Go home, put on a shirt, and come back."

"My ship isn't registered. I just-"

"Go home, put on a shirt, and come back!"

"Okay," Garin said, calmly. "I need to ask a quick question. If I do that, will I be able to just come back to this desk, or will I have to wait in line again?"

"You'll have to take another number." She said. "I can't keep people waiting while you go home."

"But I've been in line for three hours." Garin said. "I'll have to wait three hours again, and you close in two hours. Can't you just help me with my tag? This is all a misunderstanding. I don't even have a tag!"

"No." the lady replied.

Garin angrily knocked over a potted plant and left.


	2. Attempt 2

Garin went home to the Black Pawkeet. Jacques was angry at him for leaving him with all of the wet laundry to hang up.

"Jacques, we will discuss this in the morning." Garin said. "I had a long day at the DMV. I am not in the mood for this."

Garin took a dry pair of pajama pants off of the clothes line, and started to head towards his cabin. But Jacques asked a question that stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Why is there a drawing of a licence plate on the back of the ship?"

Garin checked the stern of the Black Pawkeet. There it was. A crudely painted licence plate with an expired sticker. It read, "P00P DCK." Obviously a shortened version of "poop deck." It was the same tag number that was on the paper from the DMV. It was Scarblade's handwriting. Garin could recognise it anywhere.

Jacques was on the main deck waiting for Garin when he returned.

"Now help me harvest this dry laundry. Most of it is your stuff."

 **The next day. Attempt #2**

Garin went to the DMV in the morning. He was wearing a shirt this time. He also put on flip flops just in case. They probably wouldn't notice if he wasn't wearing shoes, but he didn't want to take the risk.

He entered the waiting room. There were only two people ahead of him. Good. Maybe this will only take two and a half hours instead of three. Wishful thinking. The waiting room started filling up with people, many of whom were served before Garin even though he was there long before they were.

Garin's number was called eventually. He went to the desk that was displaying his number, and sat down in the only chair that was in front of it. The front right leg of the chair was slightly shorter than the other legs.

The same woman from yesterday sat on the other side of the desk.

"Okay, it says you're here for a tag renewal, but I remember you saying yesterday that you don't have a tag."

"Right." Garin said. "This is all a misunderstanding. My ship isn't registered, and I shouldn't have to pay the fine if I don't have this imaginary tag renewed. The only tag in my ship is a crudely painted one"

"Oh, well we need to get it registered straight away." She said as she tapped on her keyboard. "How long have you been sailing without a tag?"

"No. We are not registering it." Garin explained. "This is the Department of Motor Vehicles. My ship has no motor or engine of any kind. I shouldn't be here."

"Let me see that paper." She held out her hand. "Poop dick? That's disgusting!"

"No! It's supposed to be poop _deck_!"

"So you do have a tag!" she said "And it's a vanity license plate."

"It's not a real license plate." Garin said. "It's painted on!"

"Well you can't sail with a painted on license plate. We can give you a new tag today. It won't say P00P DCK. If you want a new poop deck lice plate, you'll have to fill out some forms and wait two weeks."

"I don't want a license plate!"

"Then why are you here?"

"You know what?" Garin said. "You're right." And Garin left. But it was not over.


	3. Attempt 3

The next morning Garin woke up to Jacques giving him sweet kisses. Garin wrapped his arms around him and pulled him back into bed.

"I made breakfast." Jacques told him. "You have to close your eyes and follow me."

"Okay," Garin laughed. Jacques took his hand and led him to the galley where they had a romantic breakfast together.

Jacques had made a Dutch baby. It did not come out completely right because Dutch babies are supposed to be made in a cast iron skillet, but they did not have one. Instead, he used a Cathy Mitchell Red Copper™ pan. The Dutch baby came out of the pan very easily, and left behind no sticky residue. He also used regular sugar instead of powdered sugar, but it was still good.

"Is this some kind of Dump Cake™?" Garin asked. An eavesdropper might think Garin was insulting Jacques's cooking, but Garin was actually referring to the recipes in Cathy Mitchell's book titled "Dump Cakes."

"No." Jacques replied. "I used precise measurements."

While they ate, there was an unsettling mood. Garin could not feel the gentle rocking of the sea.

"Something isn't right." Garin said, when they finished eating.

"There's a boot on the ship." Jacques told him. "I didn't want to tell you that as soon as you woke up. I thought it would be easier after we had a nice breakfast together."

"A boot?"

"Yes."

"Like… the kind of boot that they use to keep cars from going anywhere?" Garin knew that was a stupid question.

"Yes."

"How?"

 **Attempt #3**

Garin and Jacques stood on the moist sand and crushed seashells that made up the ground of the Scurvy Island Marina as they looked at their ship on a very large boat trailer. The trailer had a boot on one of its wheels.

"You always do stuff like this." Jacques said. "You could have had the tag renewed and they would have left us alone, but you didn't because you don't take shit from anyone. No one takes advantage of Captain Garin. But they did. You can't fight the government, and now there's a boot on the ship."

"It's not that." Garin said. "I'm not a belieber of license plates, and I didn't want to pay the fee. I thought I could argue with them and not pay it. It's probably expensive."

"It costs 2,000 Neopoints or two doubloons to have a tag renewed."

"Oh… I did not know that."

"It's okay." Jacques said. "I have an idea."

Garin and Jacques went to the DMV together. Jacques took a number, waited for someone else to print a number for a tag renewal, then told Garin to take a number. This way they wouldn't have to risk seeing the woman who had to deal with Garin the last two times he came here.

After an hour, Jacques's number was called. He was summoned to desk 12. Garin looked at desk 12. The woman from yesterday was working at that desk. They sat in the waiting area. Somebody else was summoned to that desk after a minute. Garin's number was summoned to desk 23 ½. Garin and Jacques went to the half desk and sat down. They acted normal and paid the fee.

"Okay, you're all set." The woman at the half desk said.

"Thank you." Jacques said

"There is a boot on our ship." Garin told her. "Will that be removed because we had the tag renewed?"

"Yes." She replied. "Probably on Monday." It was Friday.

 _This is the finale chapter, but there will be an Epilogue._


	4. Epilogue

The boot was removed from the Black Pawkeet, and it was now in the water again. Garin was peacefully doing some laundry in the marina shower when Jacques came into the room.

"Garin," he said nervously, "The marina people want to talk to you."

"Tell them to wait," Garin said, "I'm doing laundry right now."

"That's exactly what we want to talk to you about," a man said. "Get dressed and come to the office."

The man left the bathroom, and Garin finished his laundry. Garin took the wet clothes to the Black Pawkeet and went to the office. Jacques was sitting in a chair.

"Finally," the man in the office said when Garin arrived. "We can't have you doing laundry in the shower anymore."

He motioned for Garin to sit in the chair next to Jacques.

"Why?" Garin asked, "Because you can't make money off of it?"

"You're supposed to use the washing machines."

"That doesn't answer my question. Why can't I do it in the shower? What's the problem?"

"You use a lot of water, which we have to pay for-"

"Okay, but I pay you 100 dubloons a month for my spot. I can't possibly be using 100 dubloons worth of water."

"You're not paying for the water. You're paying for the spot."

Garin argued with the marina manager for about an hour. He wouldn't listen. He wanted Garin to pay to use the washing machines. Garin eventually told him that he would use the machines. He had an idea.

Next month, Garin and his crew waited for the marina manager and his wife to go home at 6PM, then they took their laundry to the showers. The next morning Garin was harvesting the laundry from the clothesline when the manager stepped aboard the Black Pawkeet. He looked at the many articles of clothing on the clothesline.

"You need to take that down," he said "People don't want to look at your dirty underwear."

"I am taking it down," Garin replied "And it's not dirty. I washed it last night."

"People still don't want to look at your underwear. There are yachts in this area. A lot of the owners are getting ready to go sailing, and looking at strangers' underwear isn't their idea of a good time."

"Not necessarily. Some people might like it."

"I'm trying to run a business here! You're making my marina look bad! First, the customers go into the bathroom and see a pile of clothes, then they go to their boats and see your lace underwear hanging up next door!"

"You think someone's whole day is going to be ruined just because they saw something that they think isn't pretty to look at? If so, those privileged assholes deserve to have their day ruined. Who do they think they are?"

 **The fight became physical. The manager threw the first punch. Garin was now banned from the Scurvy Island Marina.**


End file.
